Archive | July 2011

Never ending heat wave

So, we’re getting ready to go to Utah for a week to visit the in-laws. We can’t wait, for multiple reasons. First, it’s been nearly 3 years since we’ve been there and over 2 since his parents last came to visit. So it’ll be great to see everyone and catch up on everyone’s lives and see how much the kids have all grown. Plus, this will be the first time any of them will get to see the baby in person, so that’s exciting. Then there’s the heat. It’s been over 100 degrees here for nearly a month, with no relief in sight. Even our nights are unbearable. Thank goodness we got our a/c running good, or else we’d all be cooked in here. It’s so hot I feel like I can’t even breathe when I go outside, the air gets sucked right out of my lungs like I’m walking in a vacuum. So I’m definitely looking forward to cooler temperatures, even if it’s 90, it’ll feel like another world.

Things have been going a bit better on the home front. My husband and I talked things out and he even talked with a coworker who kind of opened his eyes to exactly how negative he was being. So it’s nice having our relationship back where it should be. The kids have been working hard on their chores and doing a ton of reading, speaking of which we need to get to the library sometime this week. I’ve been thinking about getting them ereaders since they enjoy reading so much, but it might have to wait for Christmas. The baby can now pull up on furniture which she thinks is pretty cool. She always gets a smug grin on her face when she does it. I have a feeling she’s going to be quite the ornery toddler. We watch America’s Got Talent, and our baby absolutely loves Sam B on it. We have his first performance on the DVR still so that she can watch it repeatedly each day. It used to drive me crazy when the husband would save stuff like that to watch over and over, but when it’s for her entertainment I find it cute. We’ll turn it on and she stops whatever she’s doing and turns to the TV and starts bouncing, and sometimes will even crawl towards the TV. We keep trying to capture it on video, but it seems like she never does the really cute stuff when we’re recording.

Work is going better, starting to feel more comfortable in it. Still have  times where I question things, but that’s normal, especially for something as unpredictable as labor and delivery. On my weight loss journey I’ve finally hit the 5 pound mark. Feel like it took me forever. Had an awesome first week, then kind of sad weeks up until this past week when I finally lost over 1 pound again. All the other weeks were either 0.2 pounds or else a gain. So that felt good. Too bad I cancelled my membership this morning before weigh in. Figure I might rejoin after our trip, but for now could use the money. I hate this time of year, it has to be the worst part of it financially for us. The tags on our van are due the end of August, then there’s enrollment and school supplies. Not to mention doctor visits. Plus we had to get the guys in to the eye doctor so the husband can get new contacts and so my son can get glasses. Then to top it all off we’re going on vacation! Oh well, I have faith it will all be fine. We saved up a decent amount for the trip and have already paid for our hotel room (love using Priceline!) So we should be ok.

Well, the baby is awake so I should go take care of her. Wishing tomorrow were here and gone already so I could start my 7 day stretch of being off. That is the best part of 12 hour shifts, getting so much more time off. Hate the work days though, they’re long and exhausting.


Rough week

This has been kind of a rough week for me. At my job I had my first fetal demise, and it had to be one of the saddest things I’ve ever experienced. I cried there with the couple, I cried on my way to pick up the kids from my parents’ house, and I completely lost it when I was at home and the kids were in bed. Even now I feel like the images I saw are burned into my brain and I’ll never forget them. If I wasn’t completely anti abortion before that day, I certainly am now. I feel like the whole situation put me in a funk for the rest of the week. I’ve been sooo tired everyday, and just generally depressed feeling. Sometimes I feel like I wish I could talk about it, but then thinking about it is so sad that perhaps talking about it isn’t such a great idea. I suppose over time it’ll get better. I can’t even begin to imagine what the couple is going through. My heart aches for anyone who’s had a miscarriage. The whole time I was pregnant this last time that was my biggest fear. Frankly, I’m not sure I would’ve made it through something like that. It’s funny because when I was pregnant with my older two I don’t remember having that much fear of something like that happening. Not that I loved them any less, but I think I just was a lot more naive about things and felt more invincible than I do now. I’m older and have seen so much more and realize now exactly how frail life can be. I couldn’t wait to get home to my babies that day, I just wanted to hold them to me and not let them go. So, they of course, thought I had gone crazy.

On the marriage front things have been a little rough as well lately. It all stems from my husband’s job and the endless hours he works. He’s worked at least 6 days a week since April. Granted, the checks have been really nice, but the stress he feels and how he takes it out on all of us, not so nice. I hate the fact that he’s stuck at a job that he hates and that makes him so moody. But I don’t know what I can do about it. I feel so helpless. We go on vacation in August to visit his family and it can’t get here fast enough. I know he needs some time off so badly. I can’t believe that the company he works for thinks they can make people work so much, especially through the spring and summer. I mean, why not in the winter, when it’s cold and we don’t want to do anything and we could use the extra money for Christmas? Now that might make sense. I almost feel like we’re not even a family anymore. I pretty much feel like a single parent, and we don’t ever get to do anything as a family, so are we still one? I guess my deep love for him is what keeps me hanging in there. But it’s sad when we get to the point where we don’t like each other much. I’m sure things will get better, but the here and now is getting harder and harder to deal with.

Then, to top it all off, the baby is sick. Has an ear infection, and now has diarrhea from the antibiotics. Lots of fun to be had in our household this week!

I’m trying to come up with some ideas for Activity Days. This is where my lack of creativity is a real deficit. Not to mention my lack of enthusiasm. I’m so painfully shy that I have a hard time being silly around a group of girls. The only people who know how silly I really can be are my husband and kids. I don’t even get silly in front of my parents, that would just be too awkward.

I have a few days off of work now, so maybe I should really think about trying to do some writing. I’ve had this idea floating around for probably a couple of months now. I’ve written exactly one paragraph about it, but man I feel like it’s a good one. Maybe I’m afraid the rest of the story won’t live up to the opening. But letting it sit there won’t tell me anything, so I think I’ll really try to write more in it this week. See where it goes anyway.

I’ve managed to lose 4.8 pounds in 3 weeks. Would sound a lot better if 4.4 of it hadn’t been the first week. I’m hoping to lose more than 0.2 this week, but only time will tell. I haven’t managed to work out at all this week, plus I’ve eaten out a couple of times so that’s not a good sign. Even when I try not to be terrible with what I get, it’s still really bad point wise. Oh well, maybe I can work out once or twice before weigh in.

I’m getting some girl time tonight with some friends from church. I’m really excited, it will be nice to be able to just sit and chat with some women outside of church. Would really be nice to build some real friendships and have people I can really talk to, instead of just talking about superficial stuff. I miss my friend from my old job, but for some silly reason I get nervous about calling her. Need to get over that and give her a call next week.

Well, the baby is waking up so guess I should get her and feed her so I’m not late for my girl time. Hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday weekend. My husband actually gets 2 days off so maybe we’ll be able to enjoy our time together.